Written by Dianne and the PhoenixFestivals Staff
NARRATOR: Scene 1 Arthur and The Black Knight
Arthur circles outside of ritual circle to entrance - East - stops in front of BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.
[pause]
Arthur: I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.
ARTHUR: What?
BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.
ARTHUR: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must enter this circle.
BLACK KNIGHT: Then you shall die.
ARTHUR: I command you as Queen of the Britons to stand aside!
BLACK KNIGHT: How did a woman become named Arthur?
Arthur: It came with the title.
BLACK KNIGHT: I move for no man er...woman.
ARTHUR: But you have no arms!
BLACK KNIGHT: 'Tis but a scratch.
ARTHUR: A scratch? Your arms are gone!
BLACK KNIGHT: I've had worse.
ARTHUR: You liar!
BLACK KNIGHT: Come on you pansy!
ARTHUR: What?
BLACK KNIGHT: Have at you!
ARTHUR: You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight[Headbutts Arthur in the chest]
ARTHUR: Look, stop that.
BLACK KNIGHT: Chicken! Chicken!
ARTHUR: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
BLACK KNIGHT: I'm invincible!
ARTHUR: You're a loony. Look, I'll have your legs. Right!
BLACK KNIGHT: Right, I'll do you for that!
ARTHUR: Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, oh, I see, running away, 'eh? ... You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you.... I'll bite your legs off!
Narrator: Scene 2 Peasants at Fire
[clop clop]
ARTHUR: Old woman!
Man: Man!
ARTHUR: Man, sorry. Whose circle is this?
Man: I'm thirty seven.
ARTHUR: What?
Man: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the behind you looked--
Man: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I AM queen...
Man: Oh queen, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! ....If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, Queen of the Pagans. Who's circle is this?
WOMAN: Queen of the who?
ARTHUR: The Pagans.
WOMAN: Who are the Pagans?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we're all Pagans and I am your queen.
WOMAN: I didn't know we had a queen. I thought we were an autonomous coven.
ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Whose circle is this?
WOMAN: No one in particular.
ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?
WOMAN: We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR: What?
Man: I told you. We're an autonomous coven.
ARTHUR: I am your queen!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for queens.
WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become queen then?
ARTHUR: My Lady Oshun, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your queen!
Man: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
Man: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
Man: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
Man: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
Man: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! --- HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
Man: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you hear that, eh?.... That's what I'm on about -- did you see her repressing me, you saw it didn't you?
NARRATOR: Scene 3 Bring out Your Muggles
Cartmaster:Bring out your dead!
Bring out your dead!
[clang] Bring out your muggles!
[clang] Bring out your muggles!
[clang] Bring out your muggles!
[clang] Bring out your muggles!
CUSTOMER: Here's one -- nine pence.
Muggle: I'm not a muggle!
Cartmaster: What?
CUSTOMER: Nothing -- here's your nine pence.
Muggle: I'm not a muggle!
Cartmaster: Here -- he says he's not a muggle!
CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.
Muggle: I'm not!
Cartmaster: He isn't.
CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon, he's very mundane.
Muggle: I'm almost a Pagan!
CUSTOMER: No, you're not -- you'll be a full muggle in a moment.
Cartmaster: Oh, I can't take him like that -- it's against regulations.
Muggle: I don't want to go in the cart!
CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby.
Cartmaster: I can't take him...
Muggle: I feel fine a spell coming on!
CUSTOMER: Oh, do us a favor...
Cartmaster: I can't.
CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
Cartmaster: Naaah, I got to go on to West Quarter -- they've lost nine today.
CUSTOMER: Well, when is your next round?
Cartmaster: Thursday.
Muggle: I think I'll go for a walk.
CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look, isn't there something you can do?
Muggle: I feel happy... The Goddess is alive and Magic is afoot. [whop]
CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.
Cartmaster: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
CUSTOMER: Right. [clop clop]
Cartmaster: Who's that then?
CUSTOMER: I don't know.
Cartmaster: Must be a queen.
CUSTOMER: Why?
Cartmaster: She hasn't got shit all over her.
NARRATOR: Scene 4 The Witch
[Monks chanting and hitting themselves over the head, leading to........]
CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch!
Head Witch Heckler: We have found a witch, might we burn her?
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!
BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch?
Head Witch Heckler: She looks like one.
BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.
Trish: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
BEDEVERE: But you are dressed as one.
WITCH: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: No, we didn't -- no. but she is a witch!
CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?
Head Witch Heckler: Well, she writes like one and she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE: A newt?
Head Witch Heckler: I got better.
Head Witch Heckler: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!
ARTHUR: I am Arthur, Queen of the Britons.
How did a woman become named Arthur?
Arthur: It came with the title.
BEDEVERE: My liege!
ARTHUR: Good Sir knight, Release this woman into my care!
BEDEVERE: My liege! I would be honored.
ARTHUR: What is your name?
BEDEVERE: Bedevere, my leige.
ARTHUR: Then I dub you Sir Bedevere, Guardian of the Pagan Festivals.
NARRATOR: The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King Arthur's knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow: Sir Launcelot the Brave; Sir Galahad the Pure; and Sir Gwennie the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Launcelot who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor,who had nearly stood up to the viscious Chicken of Bristol and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill; and the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-ritual. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries, the Guardians of the Pagan Festivals.
NARRATOR: Scene 5 God speaks to Arthur
GOD: Arthur! Arthur, Queen of the Britons! How did a woman get the name Arthur?(Pause) ARTHUR: Oh, Lord! Not you too!
God: Oh, Never mind! Arthur! Arthur, Queen of the Britons! (Pause) Oh, don't grovel! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
ARTHUR: Sorry!!
GOD: And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'. What are you doing now!?
ARTHUR: I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord.
God: Well, don't. You're behaving like those miserable Ceremonial magicians -- they're so serious and depressing. Now knock it off!
ARTHUR: Yes, Lord.
GOD: Right! Arthur, Queen of the Britons -- you're Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.
ARTHUR: Good idea, oh Lord!
GOD: 'Course it's a good idea! Behold! Arthur, this is a somewhat hastily rendered facsimile of my Lady Cerridwen's Holy Cauldron, which has gone missing. Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this Cauldron. That is your purpose, Arthur the Quest for the Holy Cauldron.
Cerridwen: Cernunnos, have you found my damn cauldron yet?
Cartmaster: More muggles for you, my lady. Where would you like them?
Cerridwen: Do you see this mess?!! I have to reincarnate this pile of muggles into their proper Pagan forms! That one's supposed to be a Druid, that one a Wiccan, that one Asatru and I'm short one Voodoo priestess - and you know haw they are!
God: Calm down! I'm sending Queen Arthur and the Knights to look for it.
Cerridwen: That tart! I'll be lucky it comes back untarnished!
ARTHUR: A blessing!
LAUNCELOT: A blessing from the Lord and the Lady!
Knights: Gods be praised.
Cerridwen: And Goddesses!
NARRATOR: Scene 6 The French Taunter
Taunter: 'Allo! Who is zis?
ARTHUR: It is Queen Arthur, and these are my Knights of the Round Table. Who's castle is this?
Taunter: How did a woman get to be named Arthur?
Arthur It came with the title.
ARTHUR: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by the God & Goddess, with a sacred quest.
Taunter: Which God & Goddess??
ARTHUR: Cernunnos & Cerridwen.
Taunter: Oh, those silly Celtic Deities.
Arthur: Whatever! Just go ask your master if he wishes to join us on our quest to find Cerridwen's Holy Cauldron.
Taunter: I'll ask him but I don't he'll be very keen. He's already got one, you see.
Arthur: What?
Taunter: Oh, yes, it's very nice-a (I told him we already got one)
ARTHUR: Well, um, can we come up and have a look?
Taunter: Of course not! You are English types-a!
ARTHUR: Well, what are you then?
Taunter: I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king!
GALAHAD: What are you doing in England?
Taunter: Mind your own business!
ARTHUR: If you will not show us the Cauldron, we shall take your castle by force!
Taunter: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! ---Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur-king, you and all your silly English knnnniggets. Thppppt!
GALAHAD: What a strange person.
ARTHUR: Now look here, my good man!
Taunter: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper!...... I fart in your general direction! . Your mother was a familiar and your father smelt of mead!
GALAHAD: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
Taunter: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!
ARTHUR: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.
Taunter: If you do not go away, I shall throw the enriched white bread at you!
ARTHUR: [moooooooooooooooooooooooooo] Not the bowel stopping enriched white bread!
ALL: Run away!
Taunter: Thpppt!
NARRATOR: Scene 7 The Tale of Sir Gwennie....
So each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Gwennie rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing, accompanied by his favorite minstrels.
MINSTREL (singing): Bravely bold Sir Gwennie, rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, o Brave Sir Gwennie. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Gwennie! He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Gwennie! His head smashed in and his heart cut out, And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged, And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off, And his penis...
Gwennie: That's -- that's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads. Looks like there's dirty work afoot.
[encounter triple Goddess]
ALL HEADS: Halt! Who art thou?
MINSTREL (singing): He is brave Sir Gwennie, brave Sir Gwennie, who--
Gwennie: Shut up! Um, n-n-nobody really, I'm j-just um, just passing through.
ALL HEADS: What do you want?
MINSTREL (singing): To fight, and--
Gwennie: Shut up! Um, oo, n-nothing, nothing really -- I, uh, j-j-ust to um, just to p-pass through good Sir knight.
ALL HEADS: I'm afraid not!
Gwennie: Ah. W-well, actually I am a Guardian of the Pagan Festivals.
ALL HEADS: You're a Guardian of the Pagan Festivals.?
Gwennie: I am.
Crone: In that case I shall have to sacrifice you.
Mother: Shall I?
Maiden: Oh, I don't think so.
Mother: Well, what do I think?
Crone: I think sacrifice him.
Maiden: Well let's be nice to him.
Mother: Oh shut up.
Crone: Oh quick get the sword out I want to cut his head off!
Mother: Oh, cut your own head off!
Maiden: Yes, do us all a favor!
Crone: What?
Mother: Bitching all the time and You snore.
Crone: Oh I don't -- anyway, you've got bad breath.
Mother: Well its only because you don't brush my teeth.
Maiden: Oh stop bitching and let's go have ale.
Crone: All right all right all right we'll kill him first and then have cakes and ale.
ALL HEADS: Right!
Crone: He buggered off.
Maiden: So he has, he's scarpered.
MINSTREL (singing): Brave Sir Gwennie ran away
Gwennie: No!
MINSTREL (singing): Bravely ran away away
Gwennie: I didn't!
MINSTREL (singing): When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled
Gwennie: No!
MINSTREL (singing): Yes Brave Sir Gwennie turned about
Gwennie: I didn't!
MINSTREL (singing): And gallantly he chickened out Bravely taking to his feet
Gwennie: I never did!
MINSTREL (singing): He beat a very brave retreat
Gwennie: Oh, lie!
MINSTREL (singing): Bravest of the brave Sir Gwennie
Gwennie: I never!
NARRATOR: Scene 8 The Tale of Sir Galahad
GALAHAD: Open the door! Open the door!
In the name of Queen Arthur, open the door!
ALL: How did a woman get to be named Arthur?
Galahad: It came with the title.
ZOOT: Welcome gentle Sir knight, welcome to the Castle Anthrax.
GALAHAD: The Castle Anthrax?
ZOOT: Yes... oh, it's not a very good name is it? Oh! but we are nice and we shall attend to your every, every need!
GALAHAD: You are the keepers of the Holy Cauldron?
ZOOT: The what?
GALAHAD: The Cauldron -- it is here?
GALAHAD: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!
Zoot: Oh no! Oh, no! Bad, bad Discordia!
GALAHAD: What is it?
Zoot: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Discordia! ... She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I just remembered, is cauldron-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.
GALAHAD: It's not the real cauldron?
Zoot: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Discordia! Oh, she is a naughty Goddess, and as her priestess, I must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the cauldron-shaped beacon. You must tie me down on a bed and spank me!
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!
Zoot: You must spank me well. And after you have spanked me, you may deal with me as you like. And then, you must spank us all.
VARIOUS GIRLS: And spank me. And me. And me.
Zoot: Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking!
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!
Zoot: And after the spanking, the Great Rite.
GIRLS: The Great Rite! The Great Rite!
GALAHAD: Well, I could stay a BIT longer.
LAUNCELOT: Sir Galahad!
GALAHAD: Oh, hello.
LAUNCELOT: Quick!
GALAHAD: What?
LAUNCELOT: Quick!
GALAHAD: Why?
LAUNCELOT: You're in great peril!
ZOOT: No he isn't
LAUNCELOT: Silence, foul temptress!
GALAHAD: Now look, it's not important.
LAUNCELOT: Quick! Come on and we'll cover your escape!
GALAHAD: Look, I'm fine!
LAUNCELOT: Come on!
GALAHAD: Now look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!
Zoot: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!
GIRLS: Yes! Tackle us single-handed!
LAUNCELOT: No, Sir Galahad, come on!
GALAHAD: No, really, honestly, I can cope. I can handle this lot easily!
Zoot: Oh, yes, let him handle us easily.
GIRLS: Yes, yes!
GALAHAD: Wait! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred and fifty of them!
Zoot: Yes, yes, he'll beat us easily, we haven't a chance.
GIRLS: Yes, yes.
Knights drag Galahad away.
Zoot: Oh, shit, lost another one!
[outside]
Sir Gwennie: We were in the nick of time, you were in great peril.
GALAHAD: I don't think I was.
Sir Gwennie: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril.
GALAHAD: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Sir Gwennie: No, it's too perilous.
GALAHAD: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can
Sir Gwennie: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!
GALAHAD: Well, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Sir Gwennie: No, it's unhealthy.
GALAHAD: Bet you're gay!
Sir Gwennie: No, I'm not.
NARRATOR: And so Arthur and Bedevere and Sir Gwennie set out on their search to find an enchanter. Beyond the forest they met Galahad, and there was much rejoicing.
ALL: Yay! Yay!
NARRATOR: In the frozen land of Nador they were forced to eat Gwennie's minstrels. And there was much rejoicing.
ALL: Yay!
NARRATOR: A year passed. Winter changed into Spring. Spring changed into Summer. And Winter gave Autumn and Summer a miss and went straight on into Spring again. Until one day...
NARRATOR: Scene 9 Keeper of the Bridge
ARTHUR: There it is! The Bridge of Death!
Gwennie: Oh, great.
ARTHUR: Look!! There's the old man!
BEDEVERE: What is he doing here?
ARTHUR: He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveller five questions--
GALAHAD: Three questions
ARTHUR: Three questions. He who answers the five questions--
GALAHAD: Three Questions
ARTHUR: Three questions may cross in safety.
Gwennie: What if you get a question wrong?
ARTHUR: Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.
Gwennie: Oh, I won't go.
GALAHAD: Who's going to answer the questions?
ARTHUR: Sir Gwennie!
Gwennie: Yes?
ARTHUR: Brave Sir Gwennie, you go.
Gwennie: Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Launcelot go?
Bedevere: Yes, let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east--
ARTHUR: No, no, hang on hang on hang on! Just answer the five questions--
GALAHAD: Three questions
ARTHUR: Three questions as best you can. And we shall watch... and pray.
Bedevere: I understand, my liege.
ARTHUR: Good luck, brave Sir Bedevere. God be with you.
KEEPER: Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, 'ere the other side he see.
Bedevere: Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper. I'm not afraid.
KEEPER: What is your name?
Bedevere: My name is Sir Bedevere.
KEEPER: Are you a man or a woman??
Bedevere: Man.
KEEPER: What is the name of this festival?
Bedevere: PhoenixPhyre.
KEEPER: Right. Off you go.
Bedevere: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
Gwennie: That's easy!
KEEPER: Stop! Who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, 'ere the other side he see.
Gwennie: Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper. I'm not afraid.
KEEPER: What is your name?
Gwennie: Sir Gwennie.
KEEPER: Are you a man or a woman??
Gwennie: Man.
KEEPER: What is the longitude and latitude where this festival is held??
Gwennie: I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!
KEEPER: Heh heh. Stop! What is your name?
ARTHUR: It is Arthur, Queen of the Pagans and, before you ask, it cam with the title.
KEEPER: Are you a man or a woman??
ARTHUR: Woman.
KEEPER: What is the top speed of a witch on a broomstick during PhoenixPhyre?
ARTHUR: What do you mean? Is that with the bristles forward or backward?
KEEPER: What? I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!
Scene 10 NARRATOR: Steve The ENCHANTER
ARTHUR: What manner of man are you that can summon up fire without flint or tinder?
Steve: I am...an enchanter.
ARTHUR: By what name are you known?
Steve: There are some who call me... Steve?
ARTHUR: Greetings, Steve the Enchanter.
Steve: Greetings, Queen Arthur!
ARTHUR: You know my name?
Steve: I do. [whoosh] You seek the Holy Cauldron!
ARTHUR: That is our quest. You know much that is hidden, O Steve.
Steve: Quite.
ARTHUR: Yes, we're, we're looking for the Holy Cauldron. Our quest is to find the Holy Cauldron. Uh, so, uh, anything you can do to, uh, to help, would be... very... helpful... I don't want to waste anymore of your time, but, uh I don't suppose you could, uh, tell us where we might find a, um, find a, uh, a, um, a uh--
Steve: A what...?
ARTHUR: A g--, a g--
Steve: A cauldron?!
ARTHUR: Yes, I think so.
KNIGHTS: Yes, that's it. Yes.
TIM: Yes, I can help you find the Holy Cauldron.
KNIGHTS: Oh, thank you.
Steve: To the north there lies an altar whereupon you shall find the most Holy Cauldron. But! Be warned the path to this altar is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of four fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth.
Start searching the circle. Someone runs in and places Rabbit on South side of fire.
Narrator: Scene 11 Finding the Cauldron
TIM: Behold the path to the Alter of the Cauldron! And there he is!
ARTHUR: What? Where?
TIM: There!
ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit?
TIM: It is the rabbit!
ARTHUR: You silly sod! You got us all worked up!
TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.
Gwennie: You twit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a killer!
GALAHAD: Get stuffed!!!
TIM: I'm warning you! He's got huge, sharp-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!
ARTHUR: Well, what do we do now?
Galahad: We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
ARTHUR: Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Stonehenge! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Sister May carries with her! Sister May! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade! How does it, uh... how does it work
Sister May: Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One. And Saint Atila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'Oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large --"
Arthur: Skip a bit, Sister.
Sister May: "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Stonehenge towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'" So Mote it Be.
ALL: So Mote it Be
ARTHUR: Right! One... two... five!
GALAHAD: Three sir.
ARTHUR: Three!
Throw hand grenade into the fire.[boom]
NARRATOR: Having successfully vanquished the dreaded Eostara Bunny, Arthur and her Guardians move forward to fulfill their sacred duty and take possession of Cerridwen's Holy Cauldron.
[Site Staff arrives, steps in]
Walker: I'm sorry, but this Cauldron is a valuable sacred artifact.
Curator:
Thom & Todd: All right. Come on. Back. Back. Right away. Just... pull it off. Come on. Come along. Clear off. Come on. Come on. Back. Riiight back. Come on! Run along! Run along!
Trish enters and takes over for antiquities bureau.
Cerridwen: I told you that tart wouldn't get it back!
And there was much rejoicing!
Drums
Note: PhoenixPhyre 2002 Fun Ritual held Wed Evening
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Festival Quote: Everything becomes so much easier when you understand that it's all Todd's fault ---Cephlian
